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Sunday, 17 November 2013

The top 10 gross things about being a new parent


1. Poo is surprisingly hard to remove from the gaps between your fingernails. You can get rid of the brown stuff, but not the smell.

2. You pick up food that's been in someone else's mouth. All day.

3. You'll also have small hands wiping it on your face.

4. Contrary to what my wife thinks,  I don't think milk smells nice. It smells like sour goat's cheese.

5. The umbilical cord stump. Oh god. Day one, it goes a bit yellow. Day two, it's more of a dirty brown and it starts to smell like Brie. Day three.... day three...

6. Poop-filled nappies and baby bouncers don't make for a good combination. At all.

7. At first, when checking their nappies, there is an exotic intrigue, you feel almost like a scientist. You obviously haven't had a bad one yet.

8. That warm trickle on your wrist as you change your baby's nappy in the dark. The most upsetting thing about this is not the pee, but the fact you can't actually see it.

9. As you're wiping that puddle of pee up with the clothes you had only just put on your baby, you then feel something quite hot, and moist landing on the back of your hand.

10. But the grossest thing of all.. you actually love these things!

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